Bad AG

I’m really bad. I’m really truly, honestly and audaciously bad. And not in the cool, rocker chick, secretly awesome (because outwardly awesome is just obnoxious), badass kind of way. In the lame, I-can’t-sustain-anything-in-my-life-outside-of-work, kind.

Not only have I not updated this blog in about month, I’ve fallen short on a lot of my promises lately. These aren’t promises to friends, or family, or colleagues, these are promises to myself. Which almost makes this situation worse.

I began this year with a so much promise. A massive and uncontrollable fire under my butt. I told myself I would write for 30 minutes each morning, I would exercise (HELLO last post all about Yoga?!), I would eat well, I would lose myself in everything and anything that I loved. Instead, I’ve lost sight.

I can’t write. I’m not reading much. I can’t even find a song that makes my soul sing. Imagine that. I have $60 of iTunes credit sitting on my quickly deteriorating, 2008 MacBook Pro, that I can’t figure out how to spend. This is frightening.

But in my defense, because we all deserve redemption, even if it’s from ourselves, a lot has happened in this month. A very loved friend, and a very loved pet were both diagnosed with cancer. One very serious, and one less so. For a cancer novice, this is all-consuming. Hours pass without me allocating a single thought elsewhere. I’d like to think most of these sad thoughts are actually masked vibes of positive energy, and that in some way, they’re constructive.

My guy met the last of my grandparents. This is big. I am a lucky gal with four, healthy, engaged, vibrant, and loving grandparents. And now, the love they have for me, for the first time, extends outside our immediate blood line. This is really special, and poignantly reassuring. When the people who love you, love the one you love, it’s crazy amazing. Hello, world of happy adult relationships! I’m so glad to make your acquaintance!

I am now in search of my second New York apartment. This experience was completely and utterly hellish the first time around, so imagine my dismay. But this time, I have some experience under my belt. It helps. I’m excited for more space, and one more friend at home :)

I’ve been keeping busy with these little bits. But I do, I do I do, want to get back to doing more things for me.

And the first of these things is going to be a long awaited vacation. In this case, to St. Lucia, later this year. It’s all booked and waiting for my (upcoming) bikini body!

The second is going to be writing more. And not just blog writing, because I wouldn’t really ever write a piece of fiction in this ridiculous, ultra girly, whiny, didactic, frequently self-pitying tone. Or would I? :) I need a way to keep myself accountable. How do people motivate themselves?!? I’m determined to figure it out. Anyone had an epiphany they care to share?

Until then, I may be in and out, and here and there on Whole Creativity. Maybe I’m in a phase that’s more about absorbing than sharing. Who knows.

Guess I’ll have to figure it out as I go.

Talk soon(er than you probably expect at this point).




3 thoughts on “Bad AG

  1. I love you! You know that I am right there with you, but you are an incredible woman and will get to a good place again with yourself. We all get lost and fall down but its when we find ourselves again, that we really know who we are and what we are capable of.

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