Controversial Query #3: Men + Perpetual Bachelorhood

On the eve of our favorite lovey-dovey day, I’ve decided to move the conversation from women-based topics to something a little different.

Our topic of the day is men. And since I really can’t completely abandon my sense of self (girly girl who loves weddings but has a bit of a potty mouth), it’s also about weddings. So Men + Weddings. Here we go.

I distributed a survey to the guys in my life (haha random sample to the wayside) late last week to get a really loose, anecdotal understanding of men and the concept of marriage. I think the results are pretty interesting.

Here’s a bit of the Q&A:

1. Have you ever imagined what your wedding would be like? If you’re already married, did you ever imagine it beforehand?

Almost 3/4 of the men said yes, they had. My favorite response was “Yes, but I’m a closet hopeless romantic, and have been taking the thought of marriage more seriously lately.”

Anyone want an introduction? Haha!

2. What do you absolutely want a hand in choosing for your wedding?

Most men wanted a hand in everything! It’s their wedding too, afterall! Specific callouts were music, booze (open bar, duh!), food, and the overall design. Go boys!

3. What freaks your out most about your wedding day?

Listen close girls..

“The finality of selfishness. Being married is being selfless, and putting the other person first. If both husband and wife do that, it is a successful marriage. Plus, men don’t hear much positive feedback of marriage from other men. It’s almost always negative. Much different from the female experience.”

Apparently this is a "Manly Man" Image

I think this is really interesting. Clearly men are just as invested as women in the entire wedding process (not that any of us doubted this), but the gendered social norms are so different. Based on this comment, it seems that guys sometimes feel the pressure to take a more “masculine” stance on marriage – conveying that they’d prefer a life of perpetual bachelorhood (aka rendezvousing with different women all the time) than committing to the love of their life.

Now I’m lucky to have some pretty upstanding, uber-respectful guy friends, so I haven’t been as exposed to this sentiment as others might be. But what do you think? Is this a problem? Where did this “real men don’t get married” sentiment originate? Is it just a load of BS?

Pensively Yours,