Controversial Query #1 – The Ex-Factor

Morning guys + gals, and happy Monday.

To wake you up from your weekend stupor and you thinking, I’d like to present you with the first of many Controversial Queries.

I’m starting this stream of posts in order to help Wedding Go-ers and Wedding Throwers with some of the hardest (both to navigate and to ask!) quandaries. The first of these, will be familiar to many. The question of inviting an Ex to your wedding (via fellow Gautam Girl, Smita). Let’s face it, these situations are always, without fail, absurdly sticky. You don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the happiness of your bride/groom on THEIR big day (please remember it never has been, nor will it ever be a “MY day” type of occasion – this is where you and your partner become an everlasting team!), but at the same time, you really want your dear friend (who just happens to be an ex) as a part of the smiling crowd.

This wikihow (which cracks me up that because it’s a guide on HOW to invite your ex to your wedding rather than IF) does a great job of outlining the mental steps you should take before sending out that invite. I’m using this forum as a guide for this post. It’s a really great gut check.

1. When it’s okay to even think about inviting an ex to your wedding:

If you and your ex are now just friends (aka this is a platonic relationship to the point where you’d consider them more like a sibling than a lover – haha sounds weird, but really), and you’re certain that they have moved on (because it’s absolutely clear that you have!), and you truly think of them fondly (again, in a totally asexual, you’re cute like a really ugly dog that just holds a teeny place in my past heart type of way), THEN you can begin to think about inviting them.

2. When it’s not okay to even think about inviting an ex to your wedding:

Do not invite an ex to your wedding to rub it in their face, or because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. Trust me, your wedding day is not about your Ex’s feelings. It’s about yours and your partners. In this situation, always put your partners feelings first. It’s their wedding day too afterall, and you don’t want to leave a single trace of a bad taste in their mouth. This should be the most wonderful, worry-free day of their entire life. Unfortunately, if your fiancee has any problem with you inviting your ex to your big day, your hands are somewhat tied.

3. Foresee any consequences of inviting your ex:

How did your relationship end? Did your ex cheat on you with a good friend? Will they both be at the wedding? Will this create any negativity on your end? If so, steer clear. You want to be fresh, and happy, and frankly, bull-shit free on your wedding day.

Is your ex the type to act out? Will he/she sit with a scowl on his/her face for the majority of the evening? Will they get sad and drunk because they’re alone and end up falling over on the dance floor? Will anyone in your wedding party have to help handle them? If so, and sorry to be selfish, do not invite them.


I’m not going to get into the darker side of this topic, but as a general rule of thumb, don’t invite your Ex if you have cold feet. This is not the time to resolve your issues with someone from your past. Focus on the person you’re with and remember why you love them. If you’ve made it this far, it’s pretty likely you have something wonderful and real.

What are your thoughts? Do you think there are other cases in which it’s okay/not okay to invite an Ex?

Your Wedding Planner to-be,